Trying to make it as a writer, or even just being a writer for that matter often involves writing on subjects you know little about, don’t necessarily agree with, or both. Last month University of Hull newspaper, Hull Fire asked me to argue both sides of the debate for casual and relationship sex. See if you can guess which one they published:
Arguing the difference between casual and relationship sex isn’t as simple as arguing the difference between black and white – there’s too much of a gray area:
Casual sex can be inviting over a friend with benefits, or FWB as they’re better known, or it can be going to Asylum, Piper or Welly and spending the night hunting for someone with the same interests as yourself: a night of uncomplicated, untangled, nonchalant sex.
Whichever type of casual sex you prefer, the benefits of waving goodbye to your emotionally unattached partner-for-the-night are ones not to be disregarded so quickly when comparing your situation to one of a relationship.
First of all there’s the excitement: you just can’t capture the buzzing feeling of will it, won’t it happen, and the exhilaration when it does in a relationship lined with feelings of safety and reliability.
Casual sex-ers aren’t looking for someone to make them feel loved, or someone who’s idea of a good time means introducing you to their parents over a Sunday dinner, they’re just craving a basic human need – a damn good seeing to.
On the other hand…
You’re laid back, tangled up in the sheets and legs wrapped around one another after a particularly pleasurable session of sexy time, and besides the lecture you’re missing there’s no reason to move anywhere anytime soon.
Whether you’ve been in your relationship five months or five years, knowing the person you’re with is in your bed because they still want to be there in the morning for those post-sex kisses and cuddles, breakfast wearing their boyfriend’s shirt or girlfriend’s pink dressing gown before going to uni knowing they can repeat it all that night is a comfort worth sharing.
As for the sex itself, someone who knows you, both physically and mentally is someone guaranteed to be able to pleasure you a whole lot better than someone you met a few hours earlier through your mutual friend, Jack Daniels.
And what about the individual preferences when it comes to sex? Perhaps you’re the type to want to try something particularly kinky, and you tell this to a casual partner who doesn’t know you that well, the chances are they’d be running for the hills unless coincidence allows them to be into the same things you are.
A partner may not have identical sexual interests, but they will want to please you more than someone who’s there to get their sex fix on the way home from the pub, and will be more likely to listen to your interests and more importantly, have fun giving them a try to introduce new types of fun for you to enjoy together.
Not the kinky type? Here’s another scenario: you’ve spent weeks working harder than usual in the gym to get the last of those pesky Christmas pounds off your love handles and you want some recognition for your hard work – would a casual partner or one night stand notice? Probably not, they haven’t seen you naked as often or know your every curve the way a partner does.
Most importantly, sex isn’t just sex in a relationship: naturally there’s always the throw-me-down-and-do-me-now sex, but sex to make your partner feel desired and sexy or just to feel intimately close to another person you love is something that will always trump the I-might-be-round-if-I’m-bored-later sex.